People enter relationships looking for love, safety, and fulfillment. But sometimes closeness takes a dark turn. One partner fears intimacy and mistreats the other, first subtly, then openly. The hurt partner, confused and in pain, adopts behaviors meant to appease, desperate to regain affection or keep the peace. Gradually, they become a reflection--or echo--of their partner's fear and fall into a trap of losing themselves.

Psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear knows this pain firsthand, and in When Loving You Means Losing Me, she clearly identifies this phenomenon as the Echo Complex. The Echo Complex is a pattern of reactive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that an individual develops in response to their partner's fear of genuine intimacy. Rather than demonstrating love, the fearful partner pushes the other person away through distancing behaviors, manipulation, and emotional isolation. In response, the intimacy-seeking partner fights harder for connection, conforming to an inauthentic version of themselves in an effort to find acceptance. But this only leaves them feeling consumed, exhausted, and more disconnected from both their partner and themselves.